Bob Brown
Promising Member
*sniffs*
Posts: 82
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Post by Bob Brown on Oct 28, 2005 12:46:12 GMT -5
MEhh this one is just kinda funny I guess.......
Bubba and Junior
Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her packet, took a measurement, announce, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.
Junior shook his head and laughed, "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde. We ask for the height, and she gives us the length."
But this one is better!!
A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.
"Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around, noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it-- stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt."
"That's when I made my big mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the cow's tail again and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"
"I don't remember much after that!"
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Post by JCD - NomadWarrior on Oct 29, 2005 7:43:02 GMT -5
hahaha!
Other funny jokes, I remember a bit of those prank calls by, I think it was AHFN.
At this point, I don't remember much good jokes. Sorry.
- JC
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Bob Brown
Promising Member
*sniffs*
Posts: 82
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Post by Bob Brown on Nov 1, 2005 0:25:50 GMT -5
New prefix
If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, the prefix 'bim' could be used to create new words that describe them:
Bimbabble - noises coming from a group of blondes
Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes
Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males
Bimbar - a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait
Bimbag - a blonde's purse
Bimbrushes - essential equipment in a bimbag
Bimbastic surgeon - specialist in breast enhancements for blondes
Bimbeeper - special instrument used as a homing device for lost blondes
Bimbellow - sound emanating from a blonde after she finally got the most recent blonde joke she heard
Bimbillion? - a blonde giving an estimate of anything
Bimblaze - the result of a blonde trying to cook
Bimblues - a blonde's state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her
Bimboette - a young blonde
Bimbonese - language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible to anyone else
Bimbonique behavior - airhead behavior, unique to blondes
Bimboozle - to fool a blonde
Bimbore - a blonde who uses "like" more than 10 times in a sentence
Bimbozo - another name for a blonde
Bimboron - a blonde even less intelligent than most other blondes
Bimbrownie - a well-tanned blonde
Bimbrunette - a blonde who dyes her hair brunette, usually to appear smarter than she actually is
Bimburden - blonde carrying too many bags at the mall
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Post by JCD - NomadWarrior on Nov 1, 2005 1:59:48 GMT -5
Ahh... come on.  Blonde jokes. I thought only we did something like that in Holland... I should label this stuff "Probably Offensive"... For now, It'll pass. - JC |
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Post by heath arrington on Nov 14, 2005 7:09:54 GMT -5
i rember this one back in high shcool
there wasthis man that walked in a bar he was 3 bottles of money he ask the bar tender what was the 3 bottles for the bar keep looked at em there chores i tell u 2 save the 3erd for later the frist one theres's the guy thats in the back that hasnt paid his tab in hear the guy looked at em IM UR MAN he stood up all the suden u hear a pow plop the guy come back with a tab the bar keep said its eaiter 20$ or 20$ wroth of drinks he said drinks so he drinks and said so whats the other 2 well the 2end one theres a 500 pound fat woman no one will fuck or the dog that has a lose tooth so he looks at him I AM UR MAN as he get up and takes care of the dog frist u hear yiping and COME HERE U STUPID BITCH so he comes back and saids so weres that 500 pound fat woman that need her tooth pulled
lol lol lol
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Post by A Halo Fan...natic on Nov 25, 2005 21:16:22 GMT -5
Turkey joke:
All your baste are belong to me.
;D
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Post by Poopsie on Nov 27, 2005 12:29:49 GMT -5
i rember this one back in high shcool there wasthis man that walked in a bar he was 3 bottles of money he ask the bar tender what was the 3 bottles for the bar keep looked at em there chores i tell u 2 save the 3erd for later the frist one theres's the guy thats in the back that hasnt paid his tab in hear the guy looked at em IM UR MAN he stood up all the suden u hear a pow plop the guy come back with a tab the bar keep said its eaiter 20$ or 20$ wroth of drinks he said drinks so he drinks and said so whats the other 2 well the 2end one theres a 500 pound fat woman no one will fuck or the dog that has a lose tooth so he looks at him I AM UR MAN as he get up and takes care of the dog frist u hear yiping and COME HERE U STUPID BITCH so he comes back and saids so weres that 500 pound fat woman that need her tooth pulled lol lol lol I can't read it  |
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Post by A Halo Fan...natic on Nov 27, 2005 12:47:18 GMT -5
There were two blonds laying out in a field at night, looking at the moon. One of them, feeling witty, asks "Which is closer? The moon or Florida?"
The other blond, amazed by the simplicity of the questions says "Why, Florida, of course."
The first blond laughs at the second bond. "No! The moon is closer!"
The second blond, confused, thinks about it. Finally, she asks "How is that so?"
The first blond replies "Well, can you see Florida from here?"
;D
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Post by heath arrington on Nov 28, 2005 18:46:07 GMT -5
ok then i tell it again ok theres was this guy that whent into the bar there was 3 bottles on the bar he asked the bar tender what was it for he said i tell u one the other 2 well be hard alright theres a guy over there that hant payed his tab in days he looked at the bar keep and said i am your man so he walked over to were a the guy was u hear POW PLOP so he thows the bilfold right on the bar he look at the bar keep and the bar keep said alright eatiher 20 buck or 20 dollars worth of beer he said 20 dollars worth of beer please
so the man looked at the bar keep and said whats the other bottles for he look at him i cant tell u the 2end one nut i can tell u the 3rd the ok so the 3 erd is theres a dog outside that needs his tooth pulled thats going to be a little bit hard so i tell u the 2end on the 2end one is there a 500 pund fat woman thats never been fucked before so the man started to drink he said i take care of that 3erd one frist so out side ull hear a COME HERE U BITCH and some yiping from that dog so he came out will blood on his shirt and stuff and look at that bar keep and said so weres that fat woamn that needs her tooth pulled lol lolll lol
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Post by A Halo Fan...natic on Nov 28, 2005 19:23:02 GMT -5
I've heard that one, but I suggest you make it so that OTHER PEOPLE CAN ACTUALLY READ IT.
That means having more than one sentance, broken up, capitalization, no chat speak, ect.
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Post by Poopsie on Dec 7, 2005 14:28:08 GMT -5
Punctuation...
Erm here's one
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No Idea!
What do you call a deer with no legs? STILL
No idea! (no eye deer...)
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Post by Skul on Mar 30, 2006 5:57:03 GMT -5
I know this topic is about a zillion years old, but I'm going to try to translate this joke, anyway: there wasthis man that walked in a bar he was 3 bottles of money he ask the bar tender what was the 3 bottles for the bar keep looked at em there chores i tell u 2 save the 3erd for later the frist one theres's the guy thats in the back that hasnt paid his tab in hear the guy looked at em IM UR MAN he stood up all the suden u hear a pow plop the guy come back with a tab the bar keep said its eaiter 20$ or 20$ wroth of drinks he said drinks so he drinks and said so whats the other 2 well the 2end one theres a 500 pound fat woman no one will fuck or the dog that has a lose tooth so he looks at him I AM UR MAN as he get up and takes care of the dog frist u hear yiping and COME HERE U STUPID BITCH so he comes back and saids so weres that 500 pound fat woman that need her tooth pulled lol lol lol Rough translation: There was this man (let's call him 'Bob') who walked into a bar. There were three bottles of money. Bob asked the bartender what the three bottles were for. The bar keep looked at them, "They're for chores. Save the third for later." "The first bottle -- there's a guy in the back who hasn't paid his tab." Bob looked at them, "I'M YOUR MAN!" He stands up. All of a sudden Pow! Pop!Bob comes back with a tab. The barkeep says "It's either $20 or $20 worth of drinks," Bob replies, "Drinks." So he drinks and said, "So whats the other two?" "Well the second one, theres a five-hundred pound fat woman no one will fuck, or the dog that has a loose tooth." So he looks at him "I AM YOUR MAN!" as he get up and takes care of the dog first you hear yapping and "COME HERE YOU STUPID BITCH!" So he comes back and says "So where's that five-hundred pound fat woman that need her tooth pulled?" lol lol lol (apparently?) |
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Post by JCD - NomadWarrior on Mar 30, 2006 14:12:14 GMT -5
Couldn't have done it better. I guess that's quite the trick we could get soon when the forum grows, to translate some posts a bit. Sounds fun, though. If I had the time by then.  Ow, to be honest, I can't really think up something funny right now! I guess it's not late enough for that yet, but weekends do good with my humor. So I just might have to wait until then before it get's back from it's vacation to the Bahama's. - JC |
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Post by Acer on Jul 31, 2014 1:24:32 GMT -5
Here is a joke I just found online. Read it if you like, and here it is below:
An alien walked into a shop and told the owner that he came from Mars and wanted to buy a brain for research.
''How much is this one?'' he asked.
''That one is a monkey brain, and it's $20,'' the owner explained.
''How much is that one?'' the alien asked.
"That one is a female brain, and it's $100,'' the owner replied.
''And how much is that one?'' the alien asked.
''That one is a male's brain and it is $500'' the owner explained.
''Why so expensive?'' the alien asked.
The owner answered,''Well, it's hardly been used!''
Interesting, eh?
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